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My boredom is taking me to new levels of self realization/destruction. This time it’s my language. As I write this, I am observing my thoughts flowing in English. I decided to put it down exactly the way I would have said it.

“mmm…you know, I guess I’m kinda observing myself a bit too much nowadays and all. I mean like, I guess it’s basically because I don’t have kind of much to do but then, yeah, in fact, actually I really think that I’ve absolutely nothing to do!
I mean, it’s the jobless-jobless kind of situation, you know.
Now come on, something has to be done; this thing is bothering me like anything now.”

I can’t believe this is what a listener gets for having a conversation with me. A load of crap!
These fillers! how do they creep into my conversation? And why in such a way as to spoil the entire meaning of it? Why do we use them in first place ? To replace the ‘umm’s and ‘eh’s? Where do those come from then? Filling in time gaps between mental translation of mother-tongue to foreign language? Is it because we hear them all the time that we end up feeling insecure if we don’t use them when we talk? Or simply because we are not confident of what we say and the way we put it? Why on earth does the person at the other end not say anything about it then? Is it not bothering him? Or is he just used to mentally delete those words while listening? Most of all, is it as easy to get the fillers out of a conversation as it was to bring them in?

Whew.. things to ponder about.

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